I see it everywhere I go.
It bombards me with its pop-ups, its
emerald green color palette, its satisfied customers
smiling ear to ear as if held at gunpoint. I see paragraphs marred with squiggly red lines. I see college
students poring over essays. I see caffeine-addicted
office workers writing mediocre emails, only for
the almighty grammar checker to swoop in and say
change wording, change verb form, correct article
usage, remove phrase, remove phrase, remove
phrase…
It’s 8:46 in the morning. I start work at
nine. I close my laptop and go outside, only to be
greeted by the cacophony of Grammarly ads blasting throughout the neighborhood. They installed
these loudspeakers onto the light poles a while
back. Can’t have people go a second without hearing how Grammarly does more than catch errors. I
must’ve heard that sentence a billion times. It’s an
earworm that never goes away. I take a moment to bask
in the noise before getting in my car. The radio fills
the dense car air with some much needed Grammarly advertising. There are no other ads. No Google Pixel,
no Progressive, no Walmart Black Friday Deals
You’ll Love, nothing except the soothing promises
of Grammarly’s omnipresent voice. Write with
confidence…make every word count…get real-time
suggestions…boost your productivity…it’s candy to
my ears.
On my commute to work, their signature
green color palette dominates my periphery. The
brand name has forced its way onto every billboard, every storefront, every alleyway. I notice a
young couple with the patented Grammarly “G”
tattooed on their foreheads. Everyone has succumbed to the will of Grammarly.
At work, I tap away at my computer, but
the endless stream of Grammarly content keeps me
from doing my work. See how Grammarly can be
used to spruce up your next business meeting! Yet I
am not bothered; time spent watching Grammarly
ads is time well spent. A constant din of Grammarly
advertising reverberates in the cubicles around me.
It’s beautiful; we are all equal servants under Grammarly.
After a hard day’s work, I come home and
collapse onto my couch. I turn on the TV. The
emerald green light from the screen fills the dark
living room. More Grammarly. I sit there, motionless, consuming ad after ad. And then, slowly, I
begin to drift off.
Suddenly, I’m in darkness. I feel cold,
vulnerable. I’m in a black void, without the comfort
of a floor beneath me. It’s suffocating. I try to move,
but it’s no use. I’m frozen.
A faint beam of light shines in the distance. It appro-
aches me. Just barely, I make out its
details. Sure enough, it’s that patented “G” logo,
standing before me even in my dreams. On cue,
the advertiser’s voice kicks back in, filling the quiet
emptiness in my mind. Grammarly can help you
make your writing clearer and more effective. My
heart flutters. It’s back! No, it never left! Oh, sweet
Grammarly! Not even sleep could keep me away
from you! As I fixate on the ad before me, the soothing
voice and stock corporate lingo lulling me into a
paralyzing trance, my eyes suddenly open, and I
awaken from my slumber.
The morning sun batters my aching eyes
through the window. Instinctively, I reach for my
laptop, which sits on the ottoman in front of me,
and open it. A million pop-ups flood my computer,
all with that same “G” logo. The loudspeakers outside my house blare their familiar tune: Grammarly
can make all your problems disappear. Download
Grammarly for free.
A smile creeps onto my face. All is grand
under Grammarly